Everytime a candidate mentions September 11th, prank-call Rudy Giuliani.

Every time a candidate mentions the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, plunge a turkey baster into your ice cube tray.

Every time a candidate promises to bring back blue collar jobs, call your customer service rep in Bangalore.

Every time a candidate says "folks," threaten to foreclose on an Iowa farm unless the farmer's daughter "cooperates."

Every time A candidate mentions his tax cuts for the middle class, gift-wrap a box of poo for your rich uncle.

Every time a candidate pauses before the predicate of a sentence, take a drink

Every time Jim Lehrer says something boring, take a drink.

Every time a candidate mentions "the Surge," drink a Red Bull.

Every time a candidate strings together at least three fuzzy, liberal platitudes, take a drink

Every time a candidate refers to his running mate, stand up, face Russia and drink.